For sure “tis’ the Season” for advertisers to come at families and children with every conceivable device to convince us to spend, spend, spend on the mostly junk that is directly and sometimes indirectly aimed at our children. Certainly the meaning of the holidays gets lost in this over-indulgence. But what about our real and normal desire to share good feelings with our children, make Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and other holidays and traditions important rituals for our families? Well, we do have choices.

Not too long ago, a student was reprimanded by an authority figure who thought the student’s “toy” was a weapon. During a conference meeting over this incident, I asked the parent why he had purchased the toy. The answer was that this parent felt that he/she would not be loved by their child or that the child would feel deprived of something “everybody else” had. Certainly these were very wrong reasons to make the purchase, but very prevalent ones. The tragic part of this story is that everyone agreed that it was the wrong thing to do, but it had happened anyway and did not bring happiness or joy to anyone.

So what do we do about gift giving? We start by being very careful in our thinking about outcomes and what it is that we want our children to know, be able to do, and be like. Our gifts should reflect on those core values and on the individual natures, likes, and capabilities of each child. For me, I want my children to be caring, creative, intelligent, good problem solvers and decision makers, and to have a love of a healthy and active lifestyle. Beyond that, if I am making a substantial contribution to the economy, I want it to help those around me; locally, if at all possible.

Of course, as a parent I will not miss out on the opportunity to purchase that new outfit or two, the underwear, and basics that family members will need anyway (good stocking stuffers). I also always include a good book or two; something to develop coordination and other learning skills (blocks, erector sets, mind bending board games); and items to spark creativity, such as fantasy work stations, playhouses, dress-up, and art and craft items. All of these things allow for individuality, creative play, and social/emotional development. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a good pair of ice skates or new ball glove either!

What about technology? Yeah, we all want that 5-inch flat screen HD TV, but …does it contribute to the core values you want for your family? If you can afford a truly luxury item and you promise to absolutely limit children’s time in front of it to an hour or less a day, well ok. For the most part, however, anything that makes noise, requires gobs of batteries, imitates violence and behavior that we do not want to instill in our kids, need to be avoided. I believe the worst gift to give a child of any age is electronic game boxes. They cost a great deal of money and are destructive to depth perception, hearing, and many other neurological functions necessary for reading and learning. Above all, they are extremely violent. On a two dimensional plane however, it is wonderful for training hand-eye coordination, but, wait a second, don’t we live in a three dimensional world? This is not tough love, it is teaching our children the skills and values they need to be well adjusted, happy adults who are developing and using their individual talents. Children learn what they see and what they practice.

This holiday season let’s do our best to reinforce positive core values for our families. A simple and easy thing to do is to volunteer as a family to help someone who really needs to be loved or cared for here or abroad. Heifer International is one of our favorite gift giving sites. Churches, shelters, safe homes and pantries all need support. Perhaps it “tis the season” to say “no” to the money mongers selling, selling, selling and “yes” to truly lifting the spirit and celebrating the gifts that we have every day: family, love and the ability to make choices for a better world. Celebrate positive core family values this season.

Happy Holidays to all!